Baby

Ever heard the phrase that it takes 10 compliments to overcome the sting of 1 insult? For pregnant women, I think it should be double that. When you are visibly pregnant, it is a rare thing to be able to leave the house without unwanted, sometimes insulting comments. Surprisingly, women (who have been pregnant before) usually are the ones making said comments. I always struggled with my response, sticking with a slow “thank you” that sounded more like a question than a statement.

Here is my top 5 list of “compliments” to avoid telling a pregnant woman:

1. “You don’t look pregnant at all. Are you sure there is a baby in there?”

Goal: Okay, most likely, you are attempting to make me feel skinny.

Reality: You just sent me on a Google Images search frenzy so that I can compare my bump (or lack thereof) to other women, making sure something isn’t wrong with my baby.

2. “You’re huge!” (Yes, someone actually emphatically used the word huge with me.)

Goal: I am at a loss on this one. Maybe you were trying to tell me I’m doing a good job growing a baby?

Reality: Is it ever good to comment on how large someone is? This should never be acceptable. No one likes being told they are “huge, big, or large”.

3. “Wow, are you sure it isn’t twins?”

Goal: Again, I have no idea. Maybe genuine concern that I should see another doctor?

Reality: I get it. I. am. Big. Because of the 8 other comments of similar concern, I asked. The ultrasound tech and doctors have said that it is one on multiple occasions, thanks.

4. “When are you due? Oh, June. You are going to be miserable being that pregnant in the summer.”

Goal: Spreading your dislike for summer to a random stranger.

Reality: I forgot I should have run this by you for approval. What was your name again?

5. “You look like you are ready to pop any day now! Oh, REALLY? You are only 4 MONTHS along? Are you sure?”

Goal: Encouragement that the end is in sight and you soon get to hold your baby.

Reality: Again, thanks for the reminder of my size. Trust me, I am sure. I am the one that is pregnant.

I think it is a beautiful thing that pregnancy opens up so many conversations with strangers, providing a random opportunity to encourage someone. You should compliment! But, please, do it like you would with any other woman who isn’t pregnant (skip the size comments).

My favorite thing someone said to me was from the checkout lady at Petco. I ungracefully waddled up to her counter. She gave me a warm smile, exclaiming “You are absolutely glowing! You look beautiful.” That made my day and maybe just made up for the other, not so complimentary statements I got breathlessly waddling around the store.

For me, this was an unexpected but deeply desired journey. I hesitated to take a test for weeks simply because I did not want the disappointment. One day, I got sick at work (which pre-pregnancy was highly unusual) and decided I would buy a test. After circling the parking lot a few times, cautiously entering the store, and springing for the digital test (mainly because I had a coupon), I gave myself a non-stop pep talk from the drugstore to the house. I decided I would take the test and no one but the dog would hear about my silly speculation.

Much to my surprise, the test instantly revealed that I was pregnant. It was one of the most exciting, joyous moments of my life.

My next thought…how do I tell my husband? I am the sentimental, over-analyzing one of our relationship. I basically reasoned that this would be the most important thing I have ever told him. Plus, you only tell your husband you are pregnant with the child who is making him a Daddy once. It had to be memorable. It had to be perfect. It had to be worthy of its life-altering implications.

Naturally, I took to Pinterest. For those of you who think that is weird, go to Pinterest. Start typing “how to tell”. What comes up first? “How to tell your husband you are pregnant.” This is a real thing.

Pinterest failed me. Writing “I’m pregnant” with lipstick on my stomach or putting a loaf of bread in the oven (how am I supposed to get him to look in the oven randomly?) didn’t fit us. I decided to buy him some kind of baby item that referenced his new role as Daddy. It was there, at Babies R’ Us, where I was finally (I mean, it had been over a couple hours at this point) able to tell someone I was pregnant. The cashier started squealing and fanning her eyes when I told her my plan. I figured that made her the ideal, sappy candidate and enlisted her help to find the perfect gift. We looked everywhere and decided on this:

 

Click here to buy this bib on Amazon. 

After what felt like the longest night ever, I finally got home. I walked in, tried my best to chitchat, and then nonchalantly said, “I got you a gift.”

For those of you who know my husband, he is not outwardly emotionally expressive. From his non-reaction, you would think I came home bearing gifts every day. Not the case. He opened it, held up the bib, and looked blankly at me, basically an unwritten “So?” on his face. Then, my very nervous self, was taken over by a high-pitched chipmunk voice, “We are having a baby!”

Surprisingly, my husband’s voice also got higher than usual, “What?!? Really?!? No, really???” I kept nodding. He swept me up in the biggest hug, still repeating, not actually asking, “really”. It worked. I was able to keep that secret (the dog and the cashier totally don’t count) about 8 hours. It nearly killed me.

Things I learned from my experience:

1. There is little product that mentions dad without reference to a gender. Example: Daddy’s Princess, Daddy’s Little Man, etc.
2. Pinterest is not a waste of time. But, in this case, it was.
3. As usual, my over-analyzing mind got the best of me. It didn’t matter how I told the news. I could have blurted it out at lunch earlier that day, and it would have been just as special.